What Goff?

In associtaion with Witch? Magazine

Confused by your social peers? Endlessly searching for a place to fit in? never seem to "belong"? Don't panic - we're alwyas like that to one another. Find your cliqueniche - just answer the following questions and check you rating at the end.

  1. You are commencing getting ready for a night on the town. What have you put on the stereo?
    • Bauhaus
    • The Horatii
    • New Model Army
    • Underworld
    • March Violets
  2. Now your music is sorted, you can start tarting up. What is your first port of call?
    • The bathroom, makeup kit in hand
    • Vodka
    • Clippers for you high sides
    • Talcum powder
    • Crimpers
  3. What do you decide to wear?
    • Velvet cloak, lace gloves, pointy boots & corset
    • XXL t-shirt, jeans and trainers
    • Sleeveless t-shirt, combat trousers and Docs
    • PVC trousers, platform boots and feather boa
    • Drainpipe jeans, big white shirt, studded belt and lots of bangles
  4. What is your last action before leaving the house?
    • Check your back up bag
    • Vodka
    • Phone all your mates to check they're going out as well
    • check your bunches are even
    • Re-apply hairspray to both hair nad makeup
  5. Outside the club are a few people you have seen here before and know some of them by name. Do you:
    • Keep looking at the ground
    • Bounce up to them and shout "Hellooooooo!"
    • Claim one of them owes you a drink
    • Ask bemusedly why they're not IN THERE DANCING!!!
    • Wave and smile
  6. Once in the club, you realise you've walked in halfway through one of your favourite tracks. Do you:
    • Head for the toilet to check your makeup
    • Run onto the dancefloor and flail your arms about
    • Go to the bar
    • Nick a seat while everyone's dancing
    • Find your mates
  7. "Marian" by the Sisters of Mercy begins playing. How do you react?
    • Mime all the words, even the German bit
    • Wave your arms around singing "Sack of pants"
    • Stamp your feet really loudly out of time
    • Leave the dancefloor
    • Do the two-step
  8. The next track is "No Good" by the Prodigy. Do you:
    • Leave the dance floor in disgust
    • Jump around really fast
    • Go to the bar
    • Rave
    • Fail to keep up and leave halfway through
  9. Having finished dancing for a while, you decide to have a drink. What is your tipple?
    • Snakebite and black
    • Vodka
    • Newcastle Brown
    • Jolt Cola
    • Lager
  10. Standing at the bar, you make eye contact with a rather attracive goff. Do you:
    • Look away
    • Bounce over and introduce yourself
    • Wink at them
    • Show off next time you're on the dance floor
    • Suck your stomach in
  11. You are sitting in a corner on your own, staring fixedly at the table. A goff strolls over and says in a really patronizing voice "Are you alright?". What is your reaction?
    • Look away in silence
    • Ignore the Blue Meanies for long enough to point at all the empty vodka glasses
    • "I'm fine. Sod off and leave me alone."
    • Offer them a cigarette
    • "Yes, thanks. It's just the way I look."
  12. You are becoming frustrated beacuse the DJ still hasn't played a particular track you would really like to hear tonight. Do you:
    • Subtly mention it to someone else
    • Refuse to stop jumping up and down in the booth until they play it
    • Walk up and request it
    • Continue dancing anyway
    • Give a pre-arranged hand signal to the DJ
  13. The last track of the night is "Trouble" by Shampoo. Do you:
    • Get your coat
    • Spin around like a grinning dervish
    • Link arms with four of your mates and start a whirli-jig
    • Know all the words
    • Not recognise it
  14. End of the night, and the house lights come up. What are your first words?
    • "I don't know why I bother coming any more"
    • "More! More!"
    • "Bloody hell, you're ugly"
    • "What's your email address, then?"
    • "Christ! My eyes!"
  15. Outside the club people are saying goodbye, getting off and hanging around for taxis. Do you:
    • Walk to the bus stop
    • Bounce around from group to group until everyone else has gone
    • Stagger about until you can sit down somewhere
    • Wait for the come-down
    • Head for the kebab shop
  16. You arrive home. What is your first action upon closing the door behind you?
    • Make a cup of tea
    • Put The Horatii back on
    • Skin up
    • Check your email
    • Take off all your jewellery
  17. Before going to bed, do you:
    • Remove your makeup
    • Drink vodka
    • Collapse on the sofa
    • Shower
    • Bemoan the state of modern goff
Thank you for taking part. Now your rating, or , or view all 5

View all the Goff types, or a summary of particpants so far.

Goth

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