Possible questionnaire for employment here at namebrand ISP

1. Do you have any stupid friends?
2. Do people consider you
   1. friendly
   2. unfriendly
   3. rude and abrupt ?
3. Has anyone ever called you
   1. arrogant
   2. condescending
   3. unhelpful?
   Why? Why not? If so, did you mind?
4. Do ignorant people annoy you?
   1. yes
   2. definitely yes
   3. oh my god yes
   4. where's my gun
5. If given your choice of people to talk to, would you prefer to talk to people in the IQ range of
   1. below 70
   2. 70-80
   3. 80-90?
6. Do you like coffee
   1. more than the average guy
   2. a great deal
   3. more than food
   If deprived of coffee would you consider murder? How many people?
7. Can you say "We don't support Linux sir" or "We don't support irc sir"? Can you say it firmly? If pressed would you be willing to repeat it loudly a dozen or so times?
8. If you feed a stray dog once, is it true that he will come back and always expect food? Can you train that stray dog not to beg for food? Would you ever consider beating that dog?
9. Do you think you'd be able to successfully describe what the desert is like to someone from the Amazon Rain Forest? What if they were from a primitive tribe?
10. Do you have any special health concerns? Please check the following that apply:
    • __trouble sleeping __chronic insomnia __anxiety attacks
    • __nervous conditions __ulcers __stabbing head pains
    • __loss of appetite __depression __alcoholism
    • __sense of detachment __general apathy __boredom
    • __seizures & fits __drooling __blood shot eyes
    • __paranoia __psychotic episodes __migraines

If you've answered yes to most of these questions then you might be right for tech support...Consult your local ISP about possible employment and make sure you sell all fire arms and or large explosive devices prior to job placement. Welcome Bob.

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